With Kate, I Know It’s Not Love

“Love…does not seek its own”

-1Cor 13:5

In my heart I know it’s not Love. Though it’s passionate, it’s surely not Love that I have for Kate when always I desire nothing less or more than to undress her, touch her and have sex with her, to my heart’s delight...and content.

Really I know it’s not Love – nothing to do with Love or the “making of Love”. It’s just sex, spelt L – U – S – T. That’s what I feel and it’s all about gratifying, satisfying and pleasuring ME - just ME. 

So it seems when I asked Kate out and got into this boyfriend–girlfriend thing it was really just sex to get. And get. And get. Not Love, to give - even once.

Now here we are, all messed up – Kate and I – wondering why I think we shouldn’t continue anymore. 

Well, I guess it’s a little clearer now. At least for me, it is clear enough: With Kate, I know it’s not love.

Love, Lust & Wisdom

So, so unwisely have I spent myself on many fields not my own. I have sown seeds that sprout nothing but nothingness. Nothing of love, sacred and beautiful - just of glands, of hormones fired in search of a thing that only lasted for a while and left me exhausted and empty, yet with greediness for more.

But now, I search for meaning! For the time has come, and it’s clear, in fact, clearer than any other thing that has ever dawned upon my heart. For I see now to forsake my lust and fix my mind on searching out my woman. I can no longer continue my youthful exuberant mediocrity. I cannot go round about anymore, spilling my streams on the streets – fornicating enough to earn the name, Don or Igwe, the King of Girls.

What is such a title, when somewhere out there my lady waits with a heart full of love – love far more precious than my aimless lust and yearnings marked with nothing more than a self-seeking streak? It was never about me, but about us, about our love. More so, it is of love versus my lascivious ways that the matter arises, my stringent quest for common sense: Which one would I live for? Is it to continue to gratify myself under the pretense of having a blast, or rather, the spending of time in finding the wife of my youth, my good wife, whose bosom and warmth I am deeply certain would satisfy me more than all my past sexual tomfoolery combined.

And not just for a while I know would she satisfy me, but always; and then, it would not be just sex, it would be the making of love, passionate and fervent. So I search for my heart’s content, for the one who alone is, for me, enough.

*Inspired By The Book Of Proverbs 5