Thinking Temptation

11:46pm

In this, it’s only God. There is no other way. Even the option, “I can handle it”, is nowhere near a possible solution. As an idea it’s far flung from me already; so far that I can no longer hear its counsel. It just doesn’t work. Never did, never will. It only puffed me up into thinking I am the “Main Man” in charge.

11: 50am

And I’d say, it pretty well settled on my senses, touched my mind, deep, deep inside, that self-control was, on my own, futile. It’s only God, only Him that can save me.

12:26am

For when it felt sweet to do, when all that mattered was the moment’s pleasure, I was almost always completely stripped of whatever willpower I had. Yup, before temptation came with all her charm and allure, I thought I was invincible, but soon enough I realized I wasn’t. Not even close. 

3:06am

While I thirst for growth and seek to be better, strong and firm; and while I long to live a life progressively pleasing to my God and Maker, I always did find myself in this vortex that draws me again and again to an ill center – a familiar place of woe, a vomit, a bloody addiction that tempts me at every turn, mocking my redemption and my faith.

6:31am

God will help me through it. I believe. And I will overcome. But this time I fight and stand with God. His Word in my heart, my dependence on His strength, and trust in His promises, I know I will overcome.

 

Though It Be As Scarlet

With God, it’s different. No matter how grievous the sin or how offensive the rebellion, He’s always eager to forgive us and love us no less than He did from the beginning. Unlike an aggrieved lover, He’s not interested in falling–out over whatever transgression we might have committed against Him. Instead, He’s excited and enthusiastic to reconcile and put to right our relationship with Him.

In fact, no wrongdoing on our part can be too high or wide to separate us from His love if only we’d waste no time and come to Him for his forgiveness. For His mercy born out of His love for us has no beginning or end. It abounds in excess; and why, because He loves us unconditionally. Yes, He loves us so, and it’s important we know and never forget that He does.

For a lot of us carry ourselves as though we have no hope, presumably, in the face of a God who’s awfully judgmental, with no understanding of our weaknesses or imperfections. On the contrary, God isn’t like that at all. Knowing Him helps to see that what He desires most importantly is not to judge or condemn us, but to deliver us from the chains of sin, so that we may be free to live the life of complete liberty and delight, found in His Son Jesus Christ.

Hear, in the first chapter of the Book of Isaiah, the Father says, *“Come now, let us reason together….Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Can you beat that? How uncomplicated our God is – He says, “Come now” let’s get it over with, let’s settle the matter and be done with it already. For all He wants is to be cool with us. So let’s not delay, but come to the throne of grace where mercy and love waits patiently, for us all.

*Scripture passage is from Isaiah 1:18

*Photo From Flickr

This Is Just A Misunderstanding

“A baboon laughs at the buttocks of another baboon.” – Kenyan Proverb

This place, a section of Kaduna’s prison, is where they keep me along with the ones they call the “civil lunatics”. In my own opinion, the state prison service couldn't have come up with a more admirable name for mad criminals.

Admirable too is the way Prison warder Jubril introduces the inmates whenever the politicians were visiting for inspection. With a prideful smile, capped with bushy whiskers, he would say, “You are very, very much welcome to The Prisons of the Civil Lunatics”. As though, with proper scrutiny, one couldn’t tell too quickly that the prison was not the same thing as the place for the gifted students of Kakuri Immaculate College. It wasn't a place to be proud of but a place for sick, crazy people, of which by God I do not belong.

My cellmate, Felix, feels the same way too, feels he doesn’t belong here. But the difference between us is that he is really mad. Yet in all his jabbering, he makes a good case – a case he's made to everyone by now. “I need help!” you'd hear him say coherently, and then in between he'd go on and on with a peculiar language that the rest of us still find hard to understand. But usually, the conclusion of his talk would bring, with some measure of clarity, the point of his argument, “I'm really not mad, this is just a misunderstanding”.

*Photo Courtesy of the BBC

I Am Like My Dog

Momo is gone. For four days now, he’s gone away. I don’t know how to find him or where to find him. He’d made certain to keep his whereabouts vague that no sniffing on my part would find his trail. North, east, west, south, I wouldn’t know. 

Still, I’d like to know why Momo would leave in the first place. For quite intentionally I had been a very, very understanding owner; I wasn’t like overprotective and controlling as the neighbors were to their own dog, Isis. I gave my dog more space and respect than Isis or any other dog in the neighborhood could ever wish for. I never even treated him like a pet dog, never cuddled him to the extent of shaming his manhood. Or neither did I put on his neck the forbidden leash. He had carte blanche, as Nana would say; absolute freedom from his duties of being a pet, a protector and a best friend. I also didn’t starve him, if I might add. All I asked was that he comes home as soon as it was fully dark – 8, or 9pm at the most.

Now he's gone, either dead or taken. And I am helpless to bring him back, even now that I feel I sent him away, that somehow it’s my fault, I think, for two reasons – the only explanations I have.

Less important of the two reasons, is that I was a little bit inadequate in keeping his waywardness in check. You see, Momo’s been gone many times through the wee hours, but many times he’d come back before the first light of dawn. And since he always did remember home, I wasn’t too strict. A little abandon won’t kill; and by the way, I myself wouldn’t like to be restricted and deprived of adventures. 

However, in that, lies the second, more important of the two reasons that I think it’s my fault: I treated Momo the way I wanted to be treated. Free, loose, with no inhibitions. To save myself the guilt of being hypocritical I had to be patient and understanding. But now he's gone, either dead or taken. And I wonder if this is a lesson for the two of us. 

“FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES…” – Hebrews 12:6

*Photo courtsey of Curiousphotos.blogspot.com

With Kate, I Know It’s Not Love

“Love…does not seek its own”

-1Cor 13:5

In my heart I know it’s not Love. Though it’s passionate, it’s surely not Love that I have for Kate when always I desire nothing less or more than to undress her, touch her and have sex with her, to my heart’s delight...and content.

Really I know it’s not Love – nothing to do with Love or the “making of Love”. It’s just sex, spelt L – U – S – T. That’s what I feel and it’s all about gratifying, satisfying and pleasuring ME - just ME. 

So it seems when I asked Kate out and got into this boyfriend–girlfriend thing it was really just sex to get. And get. And get. Not Love, to give - even once.

Now here we are, all messed up – Kate and I – wondering why I think we shouldn’t continue anymore. 

Well, I guess it’s a little clearer now. At least for me, it is clear enough: With Kate, I know it’s not love.

To Be Free Of Guilt

Have you ever seen a man ridden by guilt? Well, you may likely find him wallowing in self-loathing, a very nasty predicament. Also, you may find him driven by the pangs of shame into hoping that the passage or perhaps the reversal of time would save him from his sense of regret.

But, of course, time won’t help. For with every passing second his mind suffers in woeful contemplation. And as a result, he may end up declaring himself unworthy and a sinner with no right to forgiveness.

For many of us, we needn’t look far for an example of a man in guilt. Our own lives have in one time or another suffered guilt, sometimes very severe. In fact, I’d dare say that the feeling of reproach is universal - at least to every normal person.

Nonetheless, in whatever way these experiences are common to us, we shouldn’t let them suffer us unnecessarily. We must not be ignorant of the fact that we can be free of guilt, no matter how grievous the transgressions that might have led to it.

Evidently, guilt is a typical trickster, seeking to convince its victims that they have no right to a second chance. Around us, we see its work: stark, helpless, riddled lives of those who had fallen from not only grace, but from every prospect of a good life.

Against this misery, we must fight, and the mind is where we fight. It’s where the guilt emotions try to take control and steal our peace of mind. In counter, it is where we must resist by maintaining a sound mental state.

Besides, when it comes down to freeing the mind of guilt, it is all about what we accept as truth. Would we think ourselves deserving of shame or of life? It is up to us, for in reality we can only prevail if we have the right mindset.

And what better way to build the correct frame of mind than meditation on God’s Word. In it, we are shown the love of the Father that says to us, “Come now, and let us reason together... though you sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow...” Surely, in these words, we can’t help but discern the richness of God’s mercy and grace.

Just like the story of the prodigal son, God as Father waits eagerly for our homecoming. Not minding our erring ways, He is ready to forgive us over and over, all because he loves us unconditionally. Beating ourselves down is not what He desires; rather, it is the pleasure of reinstating us to a life of liberty and delight.

In view of such love shown by the Father, do we think any of us should spend any more time floundering in guilt? Certainly not. Instead, let’s avail ourselves of the liberating truths of God’s love and forgiveness. For it is only in the knowing of the truth – as stated by our Lord Jesus – can we truly be set free.

By accepting the mercies of God, we can answer the voice of accusation that ever tries to put a guilt trip on us. We could say something like this, “hey you, hush! I recognize am guilt free for God my loving Papa has forgiven me my sins”. This is simply the veracity of our lives.

Yes, our imperfection may never desist in this life and time; however, it is not an excuse for us to agonize and suffer whenever we make a mistake. Let us not be ill with guilt but accept the cure of forgiveness that God so willingly wants to give. Remember, because of the work done on the cross, “there is therefore no condemnation” for us. We are absolutely free.