11:46pm
In this, it’s only God. There is no other way. Even the
option, “I can handle it”, is nowhere near a possible solution. As an idea it’s
far flung from me already; so far that I can no longer hear its counsel. It just doesn’t work. Never did, never will. It only puffed me up into
thinking I am the “Main Man” in charge.
11: 50am
And I’d say, it pretty well settled on my senses, touched my
mind, deep, deep inside, that self-control was, on my own, futile. It’s only
God, only Him that can save me.
12:26am
For when it felt sweet to do, when all that mattered was the
moment’s pleasure, I was almost always completely stripped of whatever
willpower I had. Yup, before temptation came with all her charm and allure, I
thought I was invincible, but soon enough I realized I wasn’t. Not even close.
3:06am
While I thirst for growth and seek to be better, strong and
firm; and while I long to live a life progressively pleasing to my God and
Maker, I always did find myself in this vortex that draws me again and again to
an ill center – a familiar place of woe, a vomit, a bloody addiction that
tempts me at every turn, mocking my redemption and my faith.
6:31am
God will help me through it. I believe. And I will overcome.
But this time I fight and stand with God. His Word in my heart, my dependence
on His strength, and trust in His promises, I know I will overcome.